I don't care much about fashion. Mostly, I just want to remain comfortable and casual. So I only have a few rules:
- No plaid anything
- No horizontal stripes
- No white belts, no white shoes
- No bell bottoms
- No epaulets
- No Speedos (goes without saying)
But every once in awhile, in-store style veers recklessly toward the grotesque. For example, it seems this summer that plaid short-sleeved shirts with epaulets and polo shirts with horizontal stripes will be in. Really. I even saw one fashion poster in a popular department store where the kid is wearing a white belt with his plaid short-sleeved epaulet-adorned shirt. And guess what--he looks like a subnormal. And HE's the model. How would those things look on a paunchy, middle-aged bald ex-drunk with a crippled right arm? I wouldn't even panhandle in those clothes.
Seriously, I think half the time that designers are just fucking with us. They're really spoiled dickheads like Ashton Kutcher, who sit around drinking light beer and dreaming up new ways to punk us into wearing some clown suit just because they say it's cool. These guys probably aren't even really gay. I mean, what gay man would persuade men to dress like his grandmother's tablecloth? Next year it'll be bowling shirts and Bermuda shorts. Or how about beekeeper masks and pajamas?
I'm going back to the thrift stores.