I was already a little depressed. I mean, I despise being punked, so am already a little wary of April Fool's Day. Plus, snow in April is like taking a big gulp of lemonade only to find that it's piss. So I felt punked already. Nonetheless, I was trying hard to be up-beat, joking with people in the street about what a lovely day it was. And it was almost working. My mood was improving.
Until...
I get corneded in the convenience store parking lot by an old bespectaled pudgy guy whose car is papered with Pro-Life, Tea Party, Pro-Military bumper stickers and whose hat bears an American Eagle worthy of cheesy van art. He asks me what I do for a living, and I (not knowing enough to lie) say I am a writer. "This is right up your alley then," he says, and launches into a 20-minute ramble thru a maze of conspiracy theories and medical quackery so convoluted and peppered wit misinformation that it could have been cooked up by Glenn Beck himself.
The highlights...
• The lifespan for doctors is on average 57 years (20 years shorter than for the general population). Why? Because all doctors are addicted to pharmaceutical cocaine.
• A biographical sketch of Dr. Joel Wallach, a quack and charlatain of carnival proportions.
• And the fact that my new friend is a veteran, a "trained killer" (the bumper stickers said airforce so I'm assumong he meant "death from above"), AND a trained medic ("You know how we used to train to treat bullet wounds? We shot our dogs in the leg and treated them first.")
I do wish I'd had my camera to add a visual. And more time to gather more pearls of twisted wisdom. I do have to say that if my pal is any sort of representation of the Tea Party or of today's blue collar GOP, these people are CRAY-ZEE. No joke.
