As a group, Americans are probably among the greediest, both in the contemporary world and throughout the human timeline (with the possible exception of the ancient Romans). What the average American sees as scrimping is a double portion with extra gravy to everyone else in the world. Who else could've come up with the Hummer? And we tend to measure our success as humans in material terms: cars, big-screen TVs, designer labels, club memberships.
But even given that we're the greediest mofo's on the planet, some of the old songs get pretty threadbare. Here are just a few of my favorites...
1. "I shouldn't be penalized (i.e., taxed) for being successful."
Yes, yes you should. Who're we going to tax, the failures? It's called social responsibility. I assume that you don't drive your trash to the landfill yourself. Or if your house is on fire, you don't plan on forming your own bucket brigade. Or if you are robbed, that you don't intend on catching, jailing, and trying the perp yourself. And when you get too old to work, you might like some help with your medical bills. I don't like taxes any more than the next guy, but this idea that we can keep every dime we earn and simultaneously expect a wide range of public services and protections is just silly. Iraq is the first war not financed by a tax increase. It's being financed by a half trillion dollars from the Chinese. And they just might want us to pay that back, with interest.
2. "God wants me to be rich."
There's apparently even a book by this name. Here's what I call it: "spiritualizing our greed." This idea that any possible entity in the sky, whose chief duties are hurling huge clouds of protoplasm through the void, would care if some douchebag in Toledo gets a Beemer is just beyond silly. But it has taken a sad turn in this mortgage crisis. I read an article recently that claimed there is actually a significant demographic in America that believes "God blinded my mortgage lender to my bad credit because He wants me to have this house." I wish I were joking.
3. "If we tax big business, big business will stop taking care of us."
If the ultra-rich were truly the stewards of our economy, most of us would have been living in tarpaper shacks for the last century. Fortunately, they are not. And this idea that they will simply stop investing or building or hiring if they are faced with a few extra percentage points in tax is silly. The rich will do what it takes to make money. And staying out of the game, ensconced in some seaside mansion counting their coins, is NOT hjte most efficient use of their time or assets. Squeezing a few drops of social responsibility from them will not bleed them dry.
As the reality of this recession/depression sinks in, we'll all be cutting back. Fewer entertainment expenses, more supermarket bargains, less recereational driving, more deferred maintenance. It is my sincere hope that in this process we regain or perspective. That we learn to tell the difference between what we earn, what we have by good fortune, what we must sacrifice to be part of a thriving community. The sooner we stop asking "what's in it for me?" and start asking "how can I help?" the sooner we'll get through these hard times.
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Slang of the Day
case dough: the last of your bankroll.