It ain't all pizzas and cream

You know you're a hack when...

Something you should know about me...I lose things. Mostly small things but sometimes large ones. I've long ago given up on owning a watch. It's been over 20 years since I last tried, and I don't know where I lost that final timepiece. Gloves fair somewhat better. I've had one pair of Army surplus fingerless liners for 7 years. Before those, I went thru about 4 pair a year.  I used to think it was the drinking. But then I sobered up. But I kept losing things.  So I figure it's just me, my nature, that certain possessions fly from me like sparrows from a branch.

So where, you may ask, is all this going?  Lens caps, that's where.  I lose lens caps. (And no, I've never owned a cap that's tethered to the camera. I should, I know.) So, having been without a lens cap for my Canon for a few weeks now, I decided to stop in a local camera shop and pick up a few. I imagined there'd be a big bin of them somewhere in a corner, available to be scooped up like peanuts at 25¢ a pop. I also imagined that there was one standard size for all 35mm SLR lenses. Wrong. On both counts. And my obvious ignorance in these matters earned me all sorts of attitude from the store staff. The conversation went something like this:

Clerk 1: Well, what size lens is it?
Me: 35 to 80mm.
Clerk 1: That's not possible.
Me: Well, that's what it is.
Clerk 2: He means, what SIZE lens? They're all different circumferences.
Me: Oh fuck, I don't know. What's a common size?
Clerk 1: There is no COMMON size.
Me: Look pal, gimme a fucking break. It's the lens that came with the damn camera.
Clerk 2: Well 58mm is pretty typical.
Clerk 1: So is 55mm.
Me: Well, give me one of each.
Clerk 2: [rings up the purchase] Would you like a bag? So you don't lose them.
Me: Yeh, sure. Gimme a bag.

So I walked out minus $13 but with two shiny new caps, 55mm and 58mm.  Now you've probably guessed that when I got home, neither cap fit. Well, you're right. My lens, it turns out, is 52mm.  Fuck. Shit. Piss. Cocksucker. Why can't these fucking things be one standard size? I even considered taping the one cap on with a bit of duct tape. No, I am not joking.

So, there it is: I am a hack. Because not only don't I bother to look at things like lens circumference before visiting the camera shop, I don't really care about them. Nor do I understand why they are the way they are. I just want to point and shoot. And yes, there are cameras for that. I have one. And from now on, I'll probably use it as my first-line camera. After all, what I photo most is freight trains. And I was able to do that effectively back when I had a Canon Elph that shot APS film.

Those of you who take the art and craft of photography more seriously than I, please know that this is no insult to you. I simply lack the patience to hold all the details of the photographer's art in my mind at once. I enjoy the chase and the catch, but the technical flibbety just bores and confuses me.

So in a way I owe those camera shop clerks a thank you. They have reminded me who I am.

Updated 12/30 to add: Last night Cecily found one of the lost lens caps...in a crate...don't ask.

If the fates allow...(an atheist's guide to Christmas)

Well, you probably recognize the title of this post from the popular ballad, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I always liked this one, I suppose because it treads pretty lightly when it comes to religion. I mean, it invokes the fates rather than Jesus, and the fates are Pagan, right?  Given that the Christians took the date for Christmas from the Pagan feast of Saturnalia, it seems only fair that the Pagans get one nod in one tune. You also may well ask whether it is not in fact hypocritical for an atheist to celebrate Christmas in the first place, rather than haggling over what songs to sing. Well, hopefully I can clear up some of these issues, and perhaps help someone else in the process.

First, I grew up in a home that was, at most, Christian-Lite, and at least, spiritually ambivalent. That is, my dad was a lapsed Catholic for much of my childhood and my mom was a non-practicing Lutheran. Nonetheless, we did celebrate Christmas, there were Easter egg hunts, and when I misbehaved I was threatened with hell. Other than that, I didn't experience much in way of religious training. Christmas, however, was a time to take stock of the good things in life and to share with family and friends. And while the emphasis may not have been on the birth of Jesus, much was said about the value of human kindness. My dad's birthday was also Christmas Eve, so much of the holiday was also about celebrating that.

Ironically, my father returned to the Catholic faith late in life, and during the final Christmas season before his death decided to donate meals to parishioners in need. This involved about 20 crated turkey dinners with all the trimmings. Of course, being a rude and selfish teenager, I gave him no end of grief about this, which I regret to this day. By way of a remedy, Cecily and I have involved Tori in our commitment to Operation Santa, getting letters to Santa from the post office and helping struggling families. She doesn't understand it all now, but hopefully as she gets older, Tori will help us select from the many potential candidate letters and lend a hand when we shop for the gifts. And maybe when she gets to be a teenager, she'll be less of a wise-ass than I was. Maybe.

But as for Christmas...kindness and generosity, warmth and forgiveness, these are universal virtues that do not depend on my faith, or indeed on anyone's. Of course, I could say these are virtues that should not be limited to the holiday season. But then one of you would see me in the summer, driving along and flipping someone the bird from my car, and I'd look a little silly. So, let me just say that for the Christmas season, I will try to be less of a dick than I usually am, to remember that in so many ways I am fortunate, and to give back at least a small slice of all I have been given.

I wish all of you a safe and joyous holiday. 

Shopping for a tree.

At the mall
 

Lord & Taylor (formerly Wanamaker's) light display.

Car Trouble: Should the UAW take a pay cut?

By now most of you have probably heard that the Senate vote on a potential $14B bailout for the Big Three US auto makers has faltered and failed, falling 8 votes shy of the 60 needed to put the package to a final Senate vote. The sticking point, it seems, is a demand by some Republican Senators (chiefly from Southern states) that the United Auto Workers union accept pay cuts by 2009 that will bring their wages & benefits in line with those of Japanese manufacturers like Honda and Toyota. 

For a snapshot of what that means... the average US auto worker earns a pre-tax wage of about $25 per hour, and when added to paid vacation, paid absences, and the JOBS program (where furloughed workers collect 85% of their base pay while not working), that works out to a gross annual salary of about 75k.  Comparable figures for the average Japanese auto worker add to about 45k.  So the cut that Republican Senators are proposing is a steep one, about 40%. And while the UAW has agreed to suspend the JOBS program and to defer certain other benefits in light of the current financial crisis, they are not prepared to accept a 40% wage cut.

So why are Toyota and Honda profitable, while US auto makers are not?  Well, there's plenty of blame to go around. 

First, let's talk about management's short-sightedness...

- While 50 to 75 mpg technology is within our grasp, US auto makers (in collusion with Big Oil) have decided to ignore the potential of such technology and to keep gas mileage around 20-25 mpg.
- And while car makers outside the US have focused on economy of space, the Big Three have returned to the practices of the 1970s, except that instead of Coupe DeVilles they're turning out Escalades.  The shape has changed but a behemoth is still a behemoth.
- And then there's the flibbety. I really don't need a GPS in my car. Especially if I never go farther than the supermarket or the daycare. I also don't need a car that parks itself. Or one with onboard computers. Or heated seats. (For proof, I have 1972 Ford without any of these things, and it gets almost the mpg of today's cars. )

And now for labor...

- The pendulum of workplace safety, fair wages, and health benefits has long ago swung in favor of unions. Pay for no work is commonplace. And enthusiastic workers are often scolded by their more seasoned colleagues for working too fast (I actually have a friend in the printing industry who was told, "Slow down kid, you're making us look bad."). Working in the non-unionized publishing industry, it's taken me 17 years on the job to earn what an 18-year-old bolt-tightener earns on day one in a US auto plant. 

- And it seems that while the UAW was pursuing better deals for its employees (which is a union's job), nobody inside or outside the union was keeping track of how far ahead these wage and benefit gains were getting when compared with Asian auto workers. And while the gains made by US workers never should have gotten this far out of hand in the first place, to strip them away in one swift move now would be disastrous for workers and their families.

The health care system...

- Of course, if we had a less litigious society, and a health care insurance system that worked, unions and management could probably come to agreement more easily on benefits. 

And don't forget the banks...

- Of course, the Big Three could have limped along far longer if our banks didn't start treating mortgages like stocks and trick us into believing real estate was a growth industry. Truth is, there hasn't been a production-based growth industry in the US since the plastics and chemical industries in the 60s. We've just been shuffling the same stacks of chips from one player to another. And there probably won't be an American growth industry until someone figures out that there's a boatload of money to be made in green technologies.

So, is it time for cuts all around? Yes.  Should the UAW have to take a 40% wage cut?  No. But 15% seems reasonable. And perhaps a wage cap until Asian wages reach parity. Should Congressional bailout money to the Big Three be contingent on achieving 50-75 mpg for all US-made cars by 2012? Yes. And hybrid technology should be part of the deal (i.e., produce at least 3 lines of hybrid car or lose your funding). 

We need cars we can use, cars that are fuel-efficient, at a price that's competitive in the marketplace. Doesn't sound so tough, does it?

So let's hear what you think...

Santa: The Terror Continues

Today was Tori's 3rd visit to our local mall Santa, a jolly old elf with a real beard. On her first visit, 2 years ago, she viewed him with suspicion, last year with fear, and this year with eye-popping horror...as though we'd tried to nestle her with cobras.  And this despite the fact we'd talked to her about visiting Santa, had bribed her with a Taco Bell meal, and had topped it off with vanilla ice cream. To no avail. She never made it into Saint Nick's lap.

Of course, I've documented the entire process in pictures.