Growing up in the 1970s, I heard these words alot. Words used by teen and pre-teen boys to hurt each other. To establish status. They had nothing to do with sexual preference. Nothing to do with feelings or with attraction. I doubt whether anyone who used them could even define the words hetero- or homosexual. Instead thee words were synonymous with weakness, a way for the alpha wolves to begin establishing dominance.
If you were unskilled at sports, as I was, you got used to these words being directed at you. You took the beat-downs, looked forward to being the outcast because at least that meant you'd be left alone. You dreaded gym class and locker rooms and showers, anywhere you could be beaten outside the sight of the teachers.
The words took on a strange meaning. Like an air-raid siren, they meant trouble was about to rain down. Run. Take cover.
* * *
As a senior in high school I traveled to New York City with a female companion. Not my girlfriend. I didn't have one. Didn't know the right combination of words to attract one. She was my best friend's girlfriend, and for some reason he wasn't able to make the trip. So he sent me. We had tickets to a museum art exhibit. Then we took the subway to the Village and walked around. It was probably the first time I'd seen gay men. Just being together, comfortably, affectionately, holding hands window shopping.
In my twisted beaten fucked-up virgin brain, I decided that I should disapprove, that offering some snide comment would make me more manly, more "hetero," less of a "fag." I was, of course, an idiot. Socially retarded. A fact my companion was quick to note. Gay-bashing, whether verbal or physical, she reminded me, was most decidedly not cool. So why did I do it? Because I had learned that in the male social order, the only way to establish one's worth was to put down someone else. Three years later, my companion on that day would be my girlfriend. I owe her a debt of thanks for rescuing me from my twisted male logic.
* * *
Why is it that when a film features a gay kiss, there's still always a contingent of people (men AND women) who groan? Haven't we moved past this yet? It's not as if "gayness" were new.
* * *
Every time the issue of gay marriage is raised, someone always suggests that allowing gay marriage would be like allowing people to marry dogs. That person is usually (and rightly) accused of degenerating the debate. But why is that person never accused of using a slur? Surely equating homosexuality with bestiality is a slur.
* * *
I have trouble relating to men who can only converse with other men on
the topics of sports and "hot chicks." That's actually a surprisingly
high number of men where I live. I keep thinking of them as teenagers,
beating the crap out of some poor kid in the locker room and I want to
shake them till they throw up.
